Maine can be evil.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been a counselor at a camp in Maine for low-income girls from all over New England. Even though I was head of the drama department, I had to do a lot of work in arts and crafts. Main difference: Arts and Crafts Building has a radio, always tuned to Q97.9, Portland’s hit music station! I am so damn happy to be away from the Q. I’m fairly certain that they have the shortest playlist of any radio station, ever. Here are songs that I heard at least once a day, if not twice or three times. These are the messages we relay to the youth of America. Constantly.

Promiscuous, by Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland
This is the most radio-friendly song of the summer (at least in Maine). The intro “How you doin’ young lady, the feeling that you givin’ really drives me crazy,” is guaranteed to make eyes roll. “Promiscuous” is a really catchy song, and I liked it a lot at first. But then it turns annoying. I’m sorry, but didn’t “Promiscuous” mean someone who sleeps around and generally wears slutty clothes and projects a certain image of sleaze? I think of Christina c. 2 years ago, not someone who “seems so innocent”. For that reason alone, this song annoys me. It’s not tongue-in-check at all, just dumb. The Nelly Furtado voice (which Furtado has alleged speaks from a complex female perspective) is vapid and unpleasant and responds to things like “Promiscuous girl, stop teasing me, you know what I like, and I’ve got what you need” by saying, “Promiscuous boy, let’s get the point.”

Ain’t No Other Man, Christina Aguilera
I’m so happy Christina cleaned up her act and looks gorgeous now. This song with its bluesy backbeat and “Do your thing, girl” sample, is the perfect antithesis to “Promiscuous” and its attempt to simplify a complex subject. Aguilera actually simplifies a complex subject, but does so convincingly, with a strong voice and good production. When she belts, “told my others, my lovers both past and present tense that every time I see you every things tarts making sense,” you believe it. This is a fun song, but also a little lame. That Aguilera would be so indebted to her "man" for her lovely reform is upsetting. Regardless, this song is good, even after excessive playing.

Hate Me, Blue October
The second line of this grunge annoying song is “they crawl in like cockroaches leaving babies in my bed”. Aside from the fact that this could be said of the entire pseudo-grunge movment, this song is annoying, whiny (chorus: “Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn’t do) and generally lame. Lots of kids sang along to this one.

Temperature, Sean Paul
You can’t understand what Sean Paul is saying and it sounds exactly like all his other songs. However, whenever it came on I had to turn up the radio, by demand.

Buttons, Pussycat Dolls
A nine year old sang this at the talent show. The part, “I’m a sexy mama/ who knows just how and when I want it” was particularly hilarious in that context. Supposedly, the Pussycat Dolls are nouveau burlesque. Actually, they are just a lot of girls dressed up in horrendously slutty outfits and overdone make-up singing a song that doesn’t make sense. “Loosen up my buttons, babe”? What? Are we Victorian, or just looking for a new way to take off our clothes?

Single, Natasha Bedingfield
Ugh. I never want to hear another anthem about being single.

Lips of an Angel, Hinder
Ugh. I never want to hear another song about the fact that you’re about to cheat on your girlfriend because of some woman, to whom you feel compelled to sing, “girl you make it hard to be faithful/ with the lips of an angel”. Ha.

Over My Head, The Fray
This is the fratboy jam. It shifts person perspective at least twelve times and the chorus is “with eight seconds left in overtime”, and I can’t really understand why. I bet that the lead singer is cute though.

I Write Sins not Tragedies, Panic! At the Disco
The voice: so annoying. The fact that somebody bothered to write a song that has an actual plotline: okay. The singer is a groom who “can’t help but to hear” an exchange about how his bride is a whore. The chorus is, “Haven’t you people ever heard of closing a *__* door?” Classy. But totally awful.