Endings.

I’ll be the first to admit my obsession with breaking up. I don’t think of all relationships as doomed, but in my mind there is something creepily eerie about committing yourself to another person for a long period of time. Additionally, I have a plethora of unpleasant songs to back this sentiment up. Observe the breakup songs I have on repeat at this particular moment.

1) The Mountain Goats, “No Children”.
Clearly, with its catchy piano hook and scathing (scathing!) lyrics, this song belongs at the top of any list. John Darnielle writes with such eager gusto about the dead end marriage of his narrator that you can’t help but wince, shrug and sing along. “I hope you die! I hope we both die!” This song makes even the worst marriage look like grotesque, catchy fun. Maybe this will be my wedding song. Probably not.

2) Why?, “Gemini (Birthday Song)”.
This strange gem of a song is hard to access at first because of its weird lyrical choices. But sometimes the haze of physical specifics lifts into beautiful and specific couplets of horror: “When I ask you to kiss my pulse, you offer to start the shower/ I want a verb, and you give me a noun/ What do you dream up while I tongue you down?” The increasing distance in the relationship expands in a fuzzy loop of sound, until we are left chanting with the weird, cold voice chanting, “You know my build, you know my size, the degree to which my eyes are astigmatic.” This relationship, though intense, clearly has passed its expiration date.

3) Richard and Linda Thompson, “Shoot Out the Lights”.
YES. People just can’t manage to break up this cruelly anymore. Even the Mates of State breakup record won’t be close to this perfection.

4) Tullycraft, “I Kept the Beach Boys”.
This is one of Tullycraft’s most sparse songs. They are not masters of the break-up (twee pop is generally better for the sickly sweet intensity of the getting together. Or in the case of Tullycraft, re-getting-together. Maybe that’s why I continue to secretly hate it, or why whenever I have a mental breakdown, there is inevitably twee playing in my head). This song has a military drumbeat, and lyrics start halfway through. They consist of about five sentences that manage to convey the whole story of the relationship ending with, “I went to Memphis and you moved to Detroit/ You took the That Dog and I kept the Beach Boys with me.” And there, we have the essential reasons for breaking up in a nutshell. You are in different places with incompatible music. Duh.